cornsnoot:

weather apps are like SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WARNING!! REMAIN INDOORS UNTIL actually it’s gonna drizzle lol sike. SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WARNING. it may not rain actually. 9 INCHES OF RAIN INCOMING. 10% chance of rain. THIS STORM WILL BLOW YOUR COCK STRAIGHT OFF

barbeauxbot:

dirt-nerd:

tweedstoat:

Blocking and reporting every single pornbot that follows me

Ok but now I want to know more about Vivienne Baguette the German robot

I wish I could tell you! Her blog was empty. As mysterious as she was beautiful, she slipped through my fingers like rain when I blocked and reported it for spam

cyber-seagull404:

neonbuck:

mikkeneko:

fanficmemes:

Babygirl I know fandom history that you wouldn’t even care about

i know fandom history that even I don’t care about

well, i know about lump fish

Good to see we’re all on the same page

saxophonechihuahua:

juicedoesthings:

in recent events of that zoo losing the clouded leopard, it reminded me of the time i went to a large petting zoo and there was a free roaming little black sheep. cutest little guy i ever saw, soi went to the zookeeper nearby and said ‘i think its really cute how you have a sheep thats allowed to just walk around. ‘ then the zookeepers eyes widened and he grabbed his walky talky and ran 

lazywonderlvnd:

this tweet sends me into fucking hysterics once a day

draconpyrothayan:

funny-tik-toks:

I know this is a “Jo Momma” joke, but her name was “Jocasta”, so it works on the double

froody:

froody:

ninjaduckpirategoose:

froody:

froody:

froody:

CREATURE????

just when you think it couldn’t be worse, you have to battle a creature

I’m choosing to believe him because I think there should still be mystery and adventure in the world

Okay I looked this one up. He said he talked to God, made up some songs, and lost nine kilos during his 20ish hours in the water. He was also completely nude when he was rescued.

hero’s journey

and this man? Odysseus

scientologisabethmoss:

glad this guy is getting absolutely owned in the replies of this sexist and completely ahistorical tweet

bloomingtrans:

sorry i saw your boyfriend out on the counter so i put him in the fridge for you. no yeah he’s fine i just didn’t want him going bad. yeah he’ll reheat fine in the microwave.

duncebento:

legend-tripper:

teathattast:

yarrayora-deactivated20230104:

howlbear:

I’m screaming???

jewish-harley-quinn:

red-mercer:

pathologising:

STOP putting me in a little jar and shaking it around!!! Its NOT funny!!!!!

It’s not the worst thing that can happen to you in a jar

yardsards:

queer-google-searches:

sailor–spoon:

slimetony:

Alpine Ibexes climb nearly 90 degree angles to lick salt deposits of of mountainsides. They crave that mineral.

Why is this back on my dash in 2018

Why is this back on my dash in the year of our tormentor 2021?

real tumblr veterans know this isnt even the ORIGINAL crave that mineral post, it’s a repost by the randy your sticks person because the OP of the true original supported child slavery and practiced therapy without a license